


most nights i hardly sleep when i'm alone

by thegreenfairy246



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Dean Winchester Needs a Hug, Demons, F/M, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Jack being Jack, Mark of Cain (Supernatural), Not Canon Compliant, Post-Break Up, Post-Mark of Cain (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:27:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27005809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreenfairy246/pseuds/thegreenfairy246
Summary: dean tries to repair your relationship after the mark of cain destroys it
Relationships: Dean Winchester/You
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	most nights i hardly sleep when i'm alone

Dean wasn't sure how much longer he could stand this. You barely spoke to him anymore. Every time he entered a room, you left it. He knew things had ended between you on some rocky terms. Was he a complete idiot to assume things would go back to normal once the Mark was gone? The entire reason the two of you had broken up to begin with had been the Mark. He couldn't bring himself to even think of himself hurting you. After weeks of being avoided, he finally cornered you in the kitchen after breakfast putting away dishes.

"Y/N! Hey."

You sat down the glass you were holding. "Hi Dean."

He tried to brace himself for your answer before he even asked. "Are we, uh, are we okay?"

"Hm? Yeah, of course."

"It's just, we haven't really talked since the whole Mark of Cain thing. I just wanted to check-"

"I've just been busy I guess. I'm sorry. But, I mean, Dean, we broke up a while ago."

"Because I wanted you to be safe. With me taking the Mark, I didn't know-"

You laid a hand on his shoulder. "No I get it. It made sense to me, no matter how much I hated it. I just mean, we don't need to feel so awkward. I think we could be friends." You paused. "I'd like us to be friends again." You offered him your hand to shake. "Friends?"

Dean took it, relishing in the contact. "Friends." There was a reason Dean was so good at poker. If you'd looked at him then, you couldn't tell he was heartbroken. But he was sure, if anyone had been listening, they could have heard his heart crack.

He hid in his room for the rest of the day, but even that wasn't safe. Though you had moved your things out weeks ago, it was still full of memories of you. He finally came out of his cave at dinner. Walking into the kitchen, he saw Jack already at the table. Dean fixed you a plate on instinct. He sat it in front of your place at the table before turning to his own food. 

The silence didn't last long before Jack said, "Dean?"

"Hm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Go for it, kid."

Jack fixed him with a quizzical look. "Are you and Y/N not together anymore?"

Dean almost choked on his pizza. "Uh, well no. No, we're not."

"Oh. Are you okay with that?"

Dean chuckled. "It doesn't really matter if I'm okay with it, it's just the way things are."

Jack stared at him for a long moment. "I'm sorry you're hurting," he nearly whispered.

Giving him a small smile Dean replied, "Thanks, kid."

Shortly after, you walked in the room. You noticed your plate already out and said, "Oh. Um, I owe somebody a thank you."

Dean felt the blush creeping up his neck. Jack must have noticed because he said, "It was me. I…I wanted to help you out."

You ruffled his hair. "Thanks, that was really nice of you."

Dean winked at Jack in an attempt to show his gratitude. Sam and Cas filed in soon after, and the five of you ate in companionable silence until Sam broke it.

"So get this guys. Three people in Sioux Falls over the last week have been found gutted near the side of the road with weird carvings in their chests."

Dean spoke around his bite of pizza. "Our kind of thing?"

Sam nodded. "Sounds like our kind of thing. If it's not, at least we'll get to see Jody and the girls."

"I guess we're heading for Sioux Falls."

Cas gave Sam a look. "Maybe Jack and I can stay here. Look out for the bunker."

"Really?" Dean asked, surprised. "I thought Jack might want to meet Jody."

Jack said, "I would like-" He was cut off by a knee knocking into his under the table. Dean noticed Cas glaring at Jack before Jack said, "I wouldn't like to go. I, um, I think some time to rest would be…nice."

Dean eyed him suspiciously. "If you're sure?"

"I'm sure."

Dean shrugged. "I guess it's just the three of us."

You yawned and rose from your seat. "Guess I better get some shut eye. G'night guys."

A chorus of "Goodnights" followed you out. Dean rose shortly after, also saying he was tired. As soon as he was on the other side of the wall he heard Jack start asking questions.

"Why'd you kick me?"

"Sam and I think that having less people around might give them a chance to talk," Cas whispered.

"And solve whatever they've got going on," Sam added. 

The next morning the three of you were piled in the Impala. As Kansas slowly morphed into South Dakota, Dean got lost in his thoughts. Glancing in the rear view, he saw you leaning against the window, fast asleep. There was a time, not so long ago, that you would have been next to him with Sam in the backseat. Now, you two couldn't get through a conversation without someone trying to run away. Before he knew it, he was pulling into the station lot. As soon as the three of you entered, you spotted Jody. Dean's voice cut through the noise of the station as he said, "Jody! You miss us?"

Her head whipped around and a grin spread across her face. "Guys! It's so good to see you." She sat down her coffee before hugging Sam and then you, ending with Dean. "You here about the deaths?"

Sam said, "We are. You should've called us."

Jody shrugged. "You guys are so busy. I can handle it."

"We're never too busy to help you out." 

"Sam's right. You can always call us," Dean added. "How're the girls doing?"

"They're great. Alex is loving nursing, and Claire," Jody chuckled. "She's still Claire. She's at home right now, for once."

"You seen Donna lately?" Dean asked.

"Yeah! She came down a few weeks ago. She's doing great. But if you're done changing the subject now, I'm wondering how you're doing?"

"I'm good. No world ending catastrophes today, which is a nice change of pace."

Jody narrowed her eyes. "That the truth?"

Dean only smiled back at her. "Always." Quickly changing the subject, Dean added, "I guess we better get over to the morgue."

"Maybe Y/N can stay here with me. That way I can brief her on what's been going on." Jody turned to you. "Does that work for you?"

You nodded. "Sure." 

Dean didn't have a good feeling about leaving you with Jody. She had a way of getting things out of people that they never intended to tell her. She'd know the whole story of the two of you before he cleared the parking lot. He tried hard to pull his brain back towards the case, even though it felt like his heart was back inside the police station.

As he and Sam walked towards the morgue, he spotted a familiar blonde head walking towards the entrance. He hit Sam on the shoulder and nodded his head towards Claire. Sam gave him a look before whispering, "Seriously?"

Dean shrugged. When they got right behind her Dean said, "For some reason I'm thinking you're not supposed to be here."

Claire almost jumped out of her skin. "And what would make you think that?"

"Well, Jody just told us you were at home, for one."

"Shit," Claire grumbled. "You know, we could just not tell her about this."

"Yeah, sure kid." Dean ruffled her hair and added, "Get outta here before we change our minds."

"C'mon, really? I'm already here."

Sam said, "Really. This isn't a job that's safe to be doing alone without someone knowing where you are."

"Fine, but I still think it's stupid." With that, she turned to leave. She stopped short and asked, "Wait, where's Y/N? She's okay isn't she?"

Dean felt his shoulders go rigid, getting defensive before he really knew why. Sam saved him from having to answer. "She's with Jody getting some more details on the case."

"Is she pissed at you or something? You two are usually glued together."

Dean grumbled. "I don't really feel like talking about it, if that's all the same to you. We've got a monster to kill right now."

After sending Claire on her way, he and Sam walked into the morgue. Soon after walking in, they found the receptionist. Sam leaned against the desk and flashed a grin and his badge. "Agents Page and Plant, we're here about the murders. We need to see the coroner."

Dean realized he was staring dumbly and showed his badge as well. 

The woman gave a tight smile before standing. "Right this way."

As soon as she turned Dean knocked his shoulder against Sam's. "Since when are you the charming one?"

Sam shrugged. "I've always been the charming one."

Dean grumbled and followed the receptionist down the hall. The coroner walked them through the injuries to the victims and sent them on their way. They drove back towards the station to wait on you. Dean and Sam got out and leaned against the Impala. Shortly, Jody walked you out.

"Learn anything?" Jody asked.

"Whatever killed those people was a sick son of a bitch." 

Jody nodded her agreement. "Y/N can fill you in on the particulars. I think we covered everything."

You smiled. "Thanks for your help Jody."

"Anytime. Where are you guys staying?"

Sam replied, "Nowhere yet. This was our first stop."

"Then you'll stay with me and the girls."

Dean gaped. "No, we couldn't put you out like that."

Jody waved a hand. "It's nothing. I'd be happy to have you guys."

The three of you looked at each other, considering, before Dean said, "Well, if you're sure…"

Jody grinned. "I'm positive. I'll see you guys later." With that, Jody turned to go back to work.

Dean clapped his hands. "I say we take a food break."

Sam barked out a laugh. "Of course you do."

Dean turned his most charming grin on you. "You hungry, Y/N?"

"Oh." You shrugged. "I could eat. I guess."

Dean's grin fell away. "We don't have to, if you don't want to."

"No, that's fine."

"Cool. Good, that's good."

You nodded and started to get in the car. As soon as you slid into the backseat, Sam rounded on Dean.

"What was that?"

"What was what?"

Sam gestured around them. "That, that conversation you two just had."

"What about it?" Dean grumbled.

"It wasn't strange to you?"

Dean shook his head. "I dunno what you're talking about."

With a sigh, Sam said, "This isn't healthy, repressing your feelings all the time. You can talk to me about her, you know."

"Repressed feelings are kind of my M.O."

Sam chuckled and shook his head. "Of course they are. The offer stands if you ever change your mind." 

Dean nodded and slid in the driver's seat. He only had to drive a short way before he saw a diner and pulled into the parking lot. Set up with a bacon cheeseburger, Dean asked, "So what have we got?"

"Three victims," you replied.

"With evidence of torture," Sam added.

"Well, you two are just full of information."

"Jody told me there's an abandoned house a few miles away from where the bodies have been dumped. I say we go check it out," you said.

Dean shoved a french fry in his mouth. "Great. Who doesn't love a creepy old house?"

"Jody also told me the second victim's sister smelled sulfur just before she went missing."

"You thinking demons?"

Sam picked at his salad. "I mean, sulfur? Besides, what else wants to torture for torture's sake? It's all we've got so far."

Dean nodded. "So tomorrow we go check out the house. But right now," Dean grinned, "we eat the good food."

By the time you got to Jody's that night it was late. Late enough that all you had time for was a quick dinner before people filed off to bed. Dean was set up on Jody's couch. He thought that surely, after the day he'd had, he would be able to sleep. He was wrong, as usual. Knowing you were just down the hall and he couldn't go wrap his arms around you and bury his face in your neck, was enough to drive him crazy. Realizing sleep was beyond him, he rolled off the couch and made his way to the kitchen. He stood in front of the refrigerator for what felt like hours, looking for a snack. Finally, he settled on ice cream. He leaned against a cabinet with a pint. He jumped when he heard Jody's voice say, "Can't sleep?"

He shook his head. "You either?"

"Nah. It's overrated anyway. You mind sharing?"

Dean chuckled and shook his head. They stood in silence with two spoons for a while before Jody broke it.

"Dean. How are you, really?"

"I told you, I'm good."

Jody scoffed. "I know what you told me. Dean there's been a lot going on. If you're not dealing so well-"

"Hey," Dean stopped to look into her eyes. "I'm good. Sure, it's been a bad few months. But the Mark is gone. We're working on the Darkness. Things could be better, sure, but they're not bad."

"And Y/N?"

Dean played dumb. "What about Y/N?"

"Dean. I'm not blind, I can see the way you two are acting. She wouldn't say two words about it earlier today."

"Guess we just have to respect that don't we?"

Jody smiled. "We don't have to talk about it. But you know that if you want to, I'm right here." The two of them had polished off the pint, and Jody turned to leave. "I think I'm gonna head to bed. You should too, you know. Big day tomorr-"

"We broke up." Dean blurted it out before he could think himself out of it.

Jody paused and turned to face him. "Yeah?"

So Dean found himself on the couch, next to Jody, spilling his heart. After telling Jody the whole story, she looked as sad as he felt.

"You know, Dean, you guys broke up under some weird circumstances. Maybe she really does just need a little time. There's nothing that says two people can't get back together down the road."

Dean laughed. "The only problem with that is that they both have to still like each other. We can't even handle being friends."

"You must have never seen the way she looks at you." Jody paused to smirk. "Just give it some time. I've got a feeling the two of you aren't done yet. And my feelings are hardly ever wrong." Jody hugged him. "You let me know if you need anything."

"Will do."

Jody walked back towards her room, and Dean went back to his makeshift bed. Tired of thinking, he eventually drifted to sleep. Before the sun rose, the three of you made quick work of breakfast, hoping to get a headstart. After getting ready, you walked outside to say your goodbyes.

"Come back. Sooner than the last time."

Sam smiled. "We'll try." 

Jody hugged Dean and Sam before pulling you off to the side. Dean watched as you hugged Jody. He saw her whisper something in your ear before you both looked over at him. He quickly turned his head. Dean felt a hand land on his shoulder, and turned to find Claire.

"Face it Deano. You've gotta fix it."

Dean scoffed. "Like I'm gonna take relationship advice from a middle schooler."

"Hey! I give better relationship advice than your grumpy old man friends."

Dean smiled. "Yeah, you're right, kid. You do." He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into a hug.

The two of you walked back towards the Impala with your arms around each other. You pulled away when you reached the car. 

Jody said, "Take care of yourselves tonight! Be careful." 

After you said your goodbyes, Dean followed your directions to the old house. Dean pulled next to a grove of trees along the driveway to park. The house up ahead looked like something out of a horror movie. Boarded up windows paired with the howling wind gave Dean a sinking feeling about what was to come. Popping the trunk, he said, "You two take the front, I'll get the back. Take out whatever you run into. Shout if you need help. Good?" Dean rattled off instructions rapid fire, trying to turn off the part of him that wanted to get lost in his head. A plan made, you gathered your gear and headed for the house. Dean picked the lock on the backdoor and stepped softly inside. Inside he saw at least five demons, two in the kitchen, three in the living room, assuming there were none upstairs. With a glance, he saw you and Sam walking in the front door. You had struck while they were distracted, it seemed. They all looked to be preoccupied. Dean assumed it would be safe to make a move, but as he went to stab his angel blade, he went flying into the wall.

One demon turned around slowly. "Did you really think we didn't know you were here?"

With a wave of the hand, the demons in the living room threw you and Sam against the wall. 

A demon crouched right in front of Dean's face. "It's not nice to break into people's homes Dean. Didn't your mother teach you any better?"

Dean slowly picked up his angel blade and stabbed in the demon's side. "No. She didn't." Surging forward, Dean plunged the blade into the other demon before it could fight back. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw you and Sam begin fighting in the other room. He hurried to help you. Suddenly, Sam's voice pierced through the fighting. "Dean!"

The whole world started spinning in slow motion. He turned towards Sam's yell, and saw his worst fears coming true. Dean could do nothing but watch as the demon plunged a blade into your side.

"No!"

The demon laughed as it watched you fall to the floor. Sam went after the demon who had stabbed you, while Dean finished off the one he'd been fighting with. As soon as it was dead, he was on his knees next to you putting pressure on your wound. You winced.

"Hey, I know. You're okay. You're alright. You're gonna be just fine." Glancing up at Sam he said, "Call Cas."

Sam began to pace the length of the room. "Cas! C'mon we need your help! It's Y/N."

"If I don't make it-"

Dean stopped you. "Don't talk like that. Everything is going to be fine."

The flutter of wings stopped the conversation as Cas and Jack arrived. 

Dean spoke frantically. "Cas, you've gotta help her. Please, you've gotta…"

Cas didn't speak, simply kneeling beside you and placing a hand over your wound. Dean rose to his feet and scrubbed a hand over his face. After a few minutes, Cas stood as well.

"I only knocked her out a little bit. She needed to get some rest. She should wake up in a few hours."

The five of you piled into the Impala to go home. Dean focused on the rumble of his car, the trees flying by, anything to take his mind off of you bleeding out on that floor. He checked the rearview. You were still there, wedged between Sam and Jack. Turning the radio dial up, he resolved to not think of how close he'd come to losing you.

The bunker was eerily quiet as Dean carried you inside. It was just like you'd left it, but nothing was the same at all. He carried you down the hall to your bedroom and laid you on your bed. Dean's whole heart was hanging in the balance and he couldn't bring himself to watch you lay there, too afraid you wouldn't wake up. He slipped out the door, and was met with Sam.

"If she dies...," Dean paused and took a shaky breath, "she just can't die without knowing how I feel, how I still feel, about her."

"I know. But, hey, Cas healed her and she'll wake up. She will."

Dean felt the tears well in his eyes. "What if she doesn't?"

Sam grimaced. "We just can't think that way."

Before Dean could reply, Jack came down the hallway. Giving him no time to protest, he wrapped Dean in a hug. 

"I'm sorry this happened." He released him and continued, "She'll be okay. She has to be."

Cas showed up before the conversation could continue. He placed a hand on Dean's shoulder in what Dean knew was an attempt to comfort him. "There's nothing else for you to do Dean. You called me in time. Now is the time to wait. Go sit with her, keep her company."

"She's not gonna want me there when she wakes up. Sammy why don't you-"

Sam cut him off. "No Dean. You should be with her."

Seeing he wasn't going to win this argument, he turned and walked back into your room. Dean walked in knowing exactly what to expect. But seeing you laying there, perfectly healthy, but still unable to wake up, made him ache all over. He pulled a chair close to your side and sat down. "Hey Y/N," he murmured. "I'm so sorry I let this happen to you." He remembered your bruised and broken body, bleeding out on the floor of the house. As he felt the tears roll down his cheeks, he leaned on your bed and put his head in his hands. "I just want you to be okay."

Dean sat next to you for hours. Morning morphed into afternoon before he even considered what time it was. Around noon, Sam peeked his head in to check on you. Seeing you were still asleep he whispered his question. 

"Is she doing okay?"

"Nothing's changed."

Sam nodded. "Have you even been to bed yet?"

Dean scoffed. "Of course not. I mean I might've dozed a little, but I haven't left her." Dean shook his head. "I'm not gonna leave her."

Sam gave him a long look before sighing and walking out. So Dean sat by himself. Friends did this, he thought. A friend who might still be in love with the other friend definitely did this. Dean could've left, he supposed. He just didn't want you to wake up alone. Dean was jarred out of his thoughts by your eyes beginning to open. 

Groggily, you said, "Dean?"

He found your hand and squeezed. "Hey, it's okay. You're okay. Do you remember what happened?"

You thought for a moment. "Last thing I remember was being stabbed."

With a nod, he explained. "Cas and Jack came. We, uh, called them actually. Cas healed you. It just took you a while to wake up is all."

You groaned. "Oh. But I'm okay?"

"Yes. Completely."

Your eyes fluttered closed. Dean said, "Hey let me get out of here. You should rest."

"No, that's okay. You can-"

Dean shook his head. "I'll bring you some food later. Hm?"

You considered it for a moment before nodding. 

"Good. You rest."

Dean slipped out your door and took a shaky breath. He hadn't really expected to actually talk to you when you woke up. A simple conversation shouldn't have made him so nervous, but here he was, trying to calm his racing heart rate. 

After bringing you some soup and letting everyone know you were awake, Dean thought he was entitled to some self care. His self care might have involved some alcohol. Hiding out in the library, Dean pulled out a chair and sat down. If it was possible, he was going to drown his sorrows. Seeing you almost die was too much for him. He opened his beer and hoped the numbness would come soon. Dean heard footsteps soon and saw you come around the corner. When your eyes landed on Dean, you stopped in the entryway. "Dean. Hi."

"Hi."

You pulled out the chair across from him. "Couldn't sleep?"

"Nope. What else is new?" Dean took a sip of his beer. "You?"

"Still a little freaked out. Knowing you almost died does that to you I guess."

The late hour and the alcohol had made him bold, and he chanced a question. "You wanna talk about it?"

You scoffed. "Do I ever?"

"Well, you know you can, if you ever want to." Dean shrugged. 

"I do. Thanks Dean." With a smile you added, "The same goes to you too, you know."

Dean only smiled to show you his gratitude. "You want a beer or anything?"

"No, I'm good. Jack's got me loaded up on candy bars. I found a bucket of them outside my door earlier." 

"That's Jack for you." 

The two of you laughed before you continued, "I just wanted to get out of my room for a while."

"I can go if that'd-"

You shook your head. "It's fine. It's, uh, it's nice to see you actually."

"Yeah?"

You chuckled. "You sound surprised."

"Honestly I am a little surprised."

You gave him a look. "You're not that awful to hang out with."

Dean barked out a laugh. "That's how it's gonna be?"

You nodded and the two of you dissolved into laughter. It might have been the beer he had at dinner, or it could have been the way you looked when you laughed, but Dean couldn't help it when he whispered, "I miss you. All the time."

You shook your head. "Dean, you're just drunk. Don't do something you'll regret in the morning."

"I won't regret it Y/N." Dean let out a humorless chuckle. "You know, you're all I think about."

You sighed and Dean chanced a glance at your face. All he saw there was sadness, so he hurried to take it back.

"I'm sorry. I know you just want to be friends. I, uh, I don't know why I said that. Just forget it. Please." Dean thought he'd ruined everything. He was already rising to leave when you crossed the distance between you and took his face in your hands. Dean felt his breath leave him as you pressed your lips to his. When you pulled apart Dean murmured, "Oh."

"Dean," you paused, running a hand through his hair. "This is my fault."

Dean hurried to stop you. "Hey, no-"

"Let me explain. I told you I wanted to be friends because I didn't want you to feel like you had to be with me. I know you felt guilty about what happened while you were a demon, and I didn't want that to…," you trailed off. "I didn't want that to affect your decision. Things between us were so strained anyway, it just didn't seem like the right time."

Dean nodded. "I don't blame you. Never did." In a moment of dumb bravery, he asked, "And what about now?"

Sheepishly, you said, "I miss you too. If you still want to-"

"I do."

You laughed. "You don't even know what I was gonna say."

"I think I had a pretty good idea." Dean grinned. "But maybe you should tell me. Just so we know we're on the same page."

You gave him a half hearted glare before replying. "If you still want to get back together…I'd like that."

The smile spread across Dean's face before he could stop it. "I'd like that a lot."

You smiled back at him, and Dean took it as permission to kiss you. Lost in the kiss, Dean didn't know how much time had passed when you broke apart. He got an idea when you said, "Maybe we should call it a night."

He threaded your fingers together and led you back to your room. When he came to your door you said, "I was thinking…maybe I could stay in your room tonight? If you're okay with it."

Dean grinned and squeezed your hand. "I think I can live with that."

You smiled back at him. He led you a few more doors down to his room. Walking through the door with you felt like a dream. Dean had so desperately wished for you to be back in his life, he couldn't believe it was really happening. The two of you crawled into bed and you laid your head on his chest. He wrapped an arm around you and pressed a kiss to your head.

He whispered, "I love you."

You squeezed his middle. "I love you too."

Dean had never been more grateful as he fell asleep with his arms around you.

In the morning, Dean had forgotten where he was. He was blissfully reminded when he saw you sleeping peacefully next to him. He pressed kisses along your cheek until he reached your lips where he spent several long minutes. When you started to kiss him back he knew you were awake.

You whispered, "Good morning," when you broke apart. 

"Morning."

You yawned. "Do we have to get out of bed today?"

Dean chuckled. "I don't think it's mandatory."

"Oh, but I guess we should. The guys will be happy to see us together. Somehow, I think they were getting tired of us moping around all the time."

"I did not mope," Dean scoffed.

You rolled closer and squeezed his middle. "We both did, baby. S'okay."

Finally, the two of you convinced yourselves to get out of bed. You walked in the kitchen hand in hand, completely oblivious to the wide eyed glances you were getting. The two of you had already decided to let them figure it out on their own, so you didn't acknowledge it. The pair of you were glued together while you ate. When you were done, you both left to get dressed. As you walked away Dean heard Jack whispering. "Are they…back together now?"

He could hear the grin in Sam's voice when he answered. "Yeah. Yeah, I think they are."

**Author's Note:**

> hi! thank y'all for reading! if you liked it you can follow me on tumblr @scoobydean


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